The Fitness Guru

Here are some great stories out there for this week:

• From the good folks at Men’s Health, some quick ideas in the kitchen to help get you ripped up and in shape.
• The Ten Ingredient Shopping Trip
• And from Women’s Health: 11 Most Common Running Mistakes
• Exercise your way to a Better Sex Life
• Stretching in Bed
• President Obama’s Personal Battle Against Cigarettes
• Debunking Myths About Warm Ups and Eggs

I sat down this morning, having finished off my oatmeal with flaxseed and spiralina shake, with a cup of shade grown, free- trade Guatemalan coffee, ready to write a piece about the nature of bipartisanship in the fitness world. “Oh, can’t we all live together in harmony?”, I thought, “the P90Xers and the Perfect Push-Upists, the Scarsdale Dieters and the Fat Flushers? Can’t we take a page from the noble book of our politicians and all sit together at the table and learn how to work as a group to better humanity?” Yes, not all is right in the political world. Yes, the give and take is still slightly….what is the term?…….out of whack. But, hey, at least “bipartisanship” is a searchable term now.

I sat down to write all of this but before I could even start, I was Twittered. Tweeted. Twitted. For those of you not in the know, Twitter is the next Facebook, which was, of course, the next MySpace. With Twitter, individuals can update their “followers” on the goings-on in their lives. Perpetual status information. It would be hard not to know a little something about Twitter as it seems that their PR people are working over time to have articles published in as many magazines and newspapers as possible.

But this Twit was not from their PR department. This was Lance Armstrong. I follow Lance for absolutely no reason other than to see what events he considers update worthy. In this case, it was the theft of his $10,000 bicycle. Yup, $10K. The bike was apparently stolen right out of the back of a van during the grueling Tour de California.

For those of you who don’t pay such close attention to Lance, this was the second time in a week that he hit a speed bump in his pursuit of yet another Tour de France title. The first bump came last week when it was announced that he would not be submitting himself for rigorous drug testing throughout his training period. Huh? I thought that the whole point of his comeback was that he was going to prove that he was the exceptional athlete and that drugs had not played a part in any of his victories. He had hired a very well known doctor who was going to keep track of his test results and even go so far as to post the results on the web. But apparently, the testing was pretty darn expensive and even if the results were posted, Lance and his team worried that the information would be a little too complex for us to understand. So, forget the testing. It was a bother anyway. Let’s get on with some good old fashioned bicycle racing.

The Tour of California is especially unpleasant at the moment: rain, cold, windy, yuck. Couple that with having to deal with a flat tire and Lance ended up with an especially unpleasant ride. Again from Twitter: “”Maybe one of the toughest days I’ve had on a bike, purely based on the conditions. I’m still freezing.” So when I got the Tweet that the bike was gone, I became a little suspicious. I’m a child of the Watergate era so it doesn’t take too much for me to start to see some sort of conspiracy. As much as I wanted to see Lance traveling around the country searching for his bike, I was left with the feeling that it is some sort of ploy.

Come on. We have all had that time that we went to the gym only to realize that we left our sneakers at home. Yeah, it’s a bummer, but deep down there is the little cry of “yes!” as you realize that you won’t have to work this time. You have your excuse.

Is the loss of his bike more deception on the road to his Return To Greatness? Probably not. Probably some 12-year old clepto is delivering papers with a pretty jacked up ride. Will he find the bike? I vote no but I could be wrong.

In the end, more than anything, I’m bummed because we are still without a hero. Boy, could we use a hero. President Obama was elected as a hero, but I think we all understand that, with what he is up against, heroism is relative. We’ve got A-Rod spiking himself and poor little Michael Phelps got getting nailed doing bong hits (author’s note: why are you punishing him by giving him more time with nothing to do? Don’t you think a better punishment would be longer hours of training and practice? Is time away from the sport, camped out on his sofa watching reruns of Tool Academy, really going to teach him a lesson?). Lance has dropped the ball that he never really possessed. He had the chance to prove his abilities and the bring back an edge of nobility to a sport that has been put through the ringer. Not him. Not this time around.

Any nominations for a new hero we can celebrate?

In just a few short days, we will be getting a brand new president. And because all the media outlets seemed to have changed course and are now reporting on important matters, like the economy and the Middle East, I thought I might share a few two-dimensional thoughts with you.

In between holiday announcements regarding staff and economic recovery, we as a people were given a brief glimpse of the POTUS-to-be’s torso as he frolicked in the surf in Hawaii. His abdomen made several glossy magazines as well as several papers. Editors seemed excited. Not only was this President bringing new hope for society, but perhaps he was also bringing new hope for the physique of America. In all honesty, when was the last time you got excited over the athletic achievements of a politician? Sure, John Kerry had his brief fling with a wet suit during his presidential campaign, but no one reflects glowingly on that. Clinton had a few brief moments as a jogger, but I seem to remember the Secret Service running to McDonald’s more often than not. W cleared brush (‘nuff said.) Aside from maybe Teddy Roosevelt who probably could have wrestled bears and Abe Lincoln who gave up a career as a power forward for the Bulls to follow his love of the law, very few presidents have ever presented athletic personae.

So now we have a president who is stepping up and showing off the fact that he works out several times a week. And given the fact that two out of every three adults in this country are overweight or obese, that’s a fantastic message to be sending out to the electorate. Does that mean that if we workout like the Prez, we too can have six-packs?

Yes, we can.

Well, actually, no we can’t. It’s not that easy. Most of us think that the six-pack is just a natural bi-product of an intense exercise regime. The truth is that for the abdominals to become so prominent that you can grate cheese on them, you need an eighth of inch or less of fat over your abdomen. Anything more than an eighth of an inch and its almost impossible to get that kind of definition. Now, we all have a certain number of fat cell and those are fixed in adolescence. As we get heavier and lighter throughout adult life, we are simply expanding and shrinking a certain number of cells. If the cells covering your abdomen are thicker than an eighth of an inch, all you can do is shrink the cells themselves, but you can’t make them disappear (well, ya can, but that’s a different entry.)

But I will GUARANTEE you that the President-to-be is not exercising so that he can be the first Chief Exec to make the cover of Men’s Health. He keeps up his fitness routine because that is what keeps him sane. Regular exercise is all about staying happy, healthy and focused. There is no way he could get as much done if he didn’t stay fit. Quite the opposite is true: he would become overwhelmed and lose focus.

As we move through the January Resolutions, its important to remember that the whole “getting back in shape” thing isn’t just about getting back into those jeans—its about getting stronger and healthier physically, mentally and emotionally. The media keeps reminding us that these are incredibly difficult times (like we need the media for that.) Strength in all its many layers is crucial. Perhaps the lesson, even before inauguration, is all about preparation. I had a wonderful friend years ago whose battle cry was “Strength and Faith.” We have learned a lot about Faith in the past several months. Now it’s important to stay strong.